Meet Liz, a foster mum from Northampton who is showing us just what it means to foster together - as a family of seven.
Liz shares with us her inspiring story as an adoptee who went on to adopt her own two sons from foster care.
Becoming a foster family
With a storied career in caring for young people, Liz has always been eager to help children wherever she can. She said:
“I was adopted myself as a child and, because of that, as an adult I'd always thought about one day doing something to help other children who have experience of being in care. I really liked the idea of being able to work at home as a foster mum, and when I suggested the idea to my husband, Simon, he was really on board, with one caveat; that he didn’t want us to adopt.”
“We had three daughters of our own when we began fostering, all of primary school age, so we were already living in a busy house. Over the years, we’ve offered all sorts of types of fostering, from caring for babies all the way up to teenagers. Our three girls are grown up now and have all left home, but they grew up around their foster siblings, and we’ve often said that they did most of the fostering, and we took care of the paperwork. The kids really do learn so much from each other, and your own children have such an influence on the kids you take care of. We’ve had some amazing experiences over the years. I think all of our children would say that they've enjoyed growing up in a fostering family."
Listening to birth children in foster families
A foster parent’s birth children play a vital role in a fostering household, and here at Orange Grove we put a special emphasis on ensuring that every member of each family gets all of the support they need. It’s important to always consider your own children’s needs when fostering, and Liz and Simon have been a great example of this. Liz said:
“Fostering hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows while raising our kids, but the important thing is that the girls always had their say in what happens in our home. That means that before we began fostering, our eldest daughter was able to voice a boundary that she didn’t want us to accept any new children into the family who were older than her, and we always respected that when looking at referrals.”
“Each time a child has moved on from our home, we’ve had a bit of a family debrief about what worked well and what the children would like to do differently in the future, which has meant we’ve been able to improve our family dynamics with each placement. For us it’s always been about keeping that communication up with our children and remembering that we’re fostering as a family, not just as mum and dad.”
From fostering to adoption
Liz and her family have welcomed many children over the years and are currently caring for a young boy on a long-term placement. Liz and Simon have also adopted two children during their time as foster parents, something which was a surprise step on their journey. Liz shared with us the story of how she came to adopt her little ones.
“During the Covid 19 lockdown we fostered two brothers,” she said. “To be able to take on a sibling group is such a privilege, because you’re keeping children together who have already lost so much. Both boys were adopted after living with us for some time, but unfortunately their adoption was not going smoothly. It was a very emotional time for everyone involved.”
Sadly, over time, the boy’s adoption placement with their new family failed. Liz and Simon were desperate to make sure that the children could return to the stability of their family, and knew that it was time to make a big decision. Liz said:
“They were able to return home to us through foster care. We weren't expecting to miss the boys quite as much as we did when they went to their first adoptive home, but we missed them like crazy the whole time we were apart. Although adoption had never before been on the cards for us, we decided that it was time for them to officially become a part of our family.”
“When their social worker asked the boys if they’d like to become a part of our family forever, the eldest simply said, “Well, yeah, obviously!” We’d expected the pair of them to be jumping up and down with excitement, but their reaction was much more calm and natural - looking back, I can see that it’s because our house was already their home. They already knew, as well as we did, that they were an irreplaceable part of our family.”
The resilience of care experienced children
The boys are now aged 5 and 6 and have made huge progress in their new family. Liz says that one of the most rewarding parts of her fostering journey has been seeing how the children she’s cared for have grown and changed over the years with love and guidance. She said:
“There’s nothing quite like seeing the children you’ve cared for mature and come into themselves. These kids are so resilient. Some children in care are bounced around from place to place like you wouldn't believe, and that’s why we need great, stable foster families who can give them the love and support they need. They are so much stronger than anyone gives them credit for. It’s amazing to meet these children and be a part of their journey as they flourish and go on to bigger and better things.”
“Some children move on to new placements, some age out of foster care, and others go home to be reunited with their families. Some, like our boys, find their forever family in unexpected ways. However long a young person stays with you, it’s really rewarding to see the impact that being part of your family can have. We keep in contact with lots of the children we’ve cared for, and it's really heart warming to know that they want to keep in touch and that they still think about us even as they’re growing up, as we certainly still think about them! Fostering has given so much to our family. Our three daughters in particular have gotten so much out of it, including two new brothers! Fostering is the best thing we have done together as a family.”
Interested in learning more?
Find out more about what it’s like to foster if you have your own children living at home.
Could you welcome a child into your family?
Up and down the UK there are so many children who are in need of the love, support and care which foster parents provide If you believe you could be a good fit to foster, enquire with us today, or check out our blogs to hear from more foster parents just like Liz about what makes fostering such an amazing journey.
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