Karen and Graham, who have been fostering with Orange Grove since 2019, said: “Fostering is one of the best things we’ve ever done,” and were recognised as ‘highly commended’ at the Children and Young People Awards for the unwavering love and support they’ve shown the children in their care.
Inspiration to foster
Graham and Karen were inspired to become foster parents by Graham’s parents, who fostered for 40 years. They also wanted to give children and young people the opportunity to have the positive childhood they had.
Graham said: “I always wanted to foster. I grew up in a household where we always seemed to have extra children coming into the house, and we just got used to having them there. We learned about their life stories and became friends with them. It opened my mind to what other people go through, and I think that gave me a really good foundation.”
Karen added: “I wanted to foster because I had one of those amazing childhoods that you can’t fault in any way. Then, when I started looking into it and saw what other children are actually going through, I wanted to give them the kind of childhood I had.”
“We still meet up with some of the foster children Graham grew up with. They’re just the extended family. One day, we had the discussion and realised we weren’t at the right stage of our lives yet. So, when our boys turned 16, we decided to start fostering ourselves.”
Balancing fostering alongside working
When Karen and Graham began fostering, they were both working and weren’t sure if they’d both be able to work and foster. However, the flexibility of their jobs means they’ve been able to manage both.
Karen said: “I’ve been working at the local school for 16 years. It was perfect for raising our own children, and now it’s working brilliantly with fostering too. I get to see the kids every day at lunchtime because they’re at the same school, and it means I can oversee support as well, which is really helpful.”
Graham said: “I’m a self-employed gas engineer, so I’m really flexible. It means I can work around the kids. If they need me to take them to appointments, meetings or anything else, I just take the time off and stay as flexible as possible.”
With adult children, partners, and even Karen’s mum living at home alongside the three children they foster, they always have someone to rely on for extra support.
Karen said: “We’re a unique house because we’ve got so many adults. It’s really helpful because if we’re at work, there’s always someone available to pick up the kids. It’s also great for the children, as they always have someone to turn to for different situations – there’s always a ‘go-to’ person.”
Finding strength after unimaginable loss
Five years into their fostering journey, Karen and Graham were devastated by the death of their 20-year-old son, Devon, who tragically lost his life in an accident in 2024.
The couple were offered respite care for the children they foster to give them time and space to come to terms with their son’s death, but they rejected the offer, Graham said: “They’re part of the family now; they’re our children now, and we’re so proud of them. We couldn’t do that to them – how could you? They shared our grief and have already been through so much in their short lives.”
Devon played an essential role within the fostering family, forming his own bond with the three children, who were left heartbroken by his loss, Karen said: “Devon loved the kids, he really loved them. We’ve got loads and loads of photos of him playing with them.”
“We felt it was important for all three of the children to attend the funeral with us to say goodbye. At mealtimes, we put out a plate with a heart on it for Devon. They take it in turns to put Devon’s plate out and then put it away. They speak as if he’s still here.
“They also seem to know when we’re upset. When we have our moments, the three of them will come and sit on our laps and cuddle us because they just know we need that minute. Saying goodbye to Devon was the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do, but the love we share with these children is so special – we all love and remember him together.”
Promoting joy and laughter
Despite enduring life-changing grief, Karen and Graham promote joy and laughter every day and continue to celebrate the highs of fostering and progress their young people are making.
Karen said: “One of the best things about being a foster parent is experiencing the firsts. Our three didn’t get to experience a lot of the normal firsts, so we made sure they did. It’s an amazing feeling to share those moments with them – like their first time ice skating, swimming, camping or going to the beach.
“We’re so proud of them. They’ve worked so hard. When two of them came to us, they were behind in their education because they never went to school, but they’ve both worked their little socks off.”
Graham added: “We encourage them to read every night and have a rule that we’ll buy any book they want – no questions asked – because it helps them learn. They even get extra pocket money for showing us their homework.”
The couple are dedicated to ensuring the three children in their care develop the life skills they need to succeed in the future.
Graham said: “We want to prepare them for the future as best we can. We’ve got to encourage them and give them a sense of self-worth – make them feel like they have value. I’ve seen a lot of children go through the system thinking they don’t have any value. That’s a big thing for me, and to make sure they are more independent, have their own opinions, and are listened to, which validates them.”
Families come in all shapes and sizes
Karen and Graham are urging families of all shapes and sizes to consider fostering, Graham said: “We’ve tried to persuade many people to foster, but they think they can’t because they’re single or haven’t got this or that. But it doesn’t matter – you can still foster. Every family is different.”
“Fostering benefits everyone. It teaches selflessness, sharing and giving and we have loved every single minute.”
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