Foster Care at Christmas: Make a Child Feel Special

Before you start making any big plans, talk to the child in your care about their past Christmas experiences to find out how they feel about the festive season. If they seem unable to open up, their behaviour or reaction to your leading questions will likely give you an indication of the kinds of emotions Christmas evokes.  

If they are open to discussing Christmas, ask them about any festive traditions they'd like to include this year; implementing these into your Christmas plans could help them feel more at home during celebrations.

Family advent calendars are a fantastic way to help the child in your care feel excited about the prospect of Christmas day and could strengthen feelings of being part of the family. 

You could create your own, including little gifts that you unwrap together at the same time each day, such as a board game or chocolate for each family member. If buying advent calendar gifts on top of Christmas presents sounds stressful, you could write ideas for festive family activities instead. 

Have fun with it, and use it as an opportunity to bond during the festive season. You could include watching a Christmas movie, baking festive treats or attending a Christmas market. Alternatively, you could buy a ready-made calendar online, so you'll be equally surprised by what's behind each advent calendar door. 

Put on some Christmas music, make mince pies and turn decorating the Christmas tree into an early Christmas celebration. If you’re buying new decorations, let the child in your care select some, and if you feel creative, spend some time making decorations together. 

When decorating the tree, allow your child to take the lead and praise their efforts. Encouraging them to add festive touches to your home will elicit a sense of achievement every time they see the sprinkle of magic they've helped create.

Another way to make the child in your care feel more special is by purchasing a personalised bauble with a photo or their name inside. When they see it placed on the tree next to your children or grandchildren, they’ll realise how important they are to you and that they are truly part of the family.

When they move on or leave care, you could either keep the bauble to remember them by or give it to them as a keepsake that reminds them of the positive Christmas memories you’ve helped them make.

You can help ease the anxiety and stress that Christmas could evoke by involving the child in your care with the planning for Christmas day. This way, they can mentally prepare for the celebrations because they'll know exactly what to expect. It will also allow you to run through which activities they feel comfortable participating in so they don't feel pressured to join in if they don't want to, and you can still ensure they feel safe and included. 

If you’re expecting guests over Christmas, make sure your child feels comfortable with this and let them know who'll be visiting. If they've not met them before, you could show them some photos and tell them a little bit about each person, so they know what to anticipate when they turn up at your door.

If you're worried about how the child in your care might react to visitors in your home, consider visiting friends and family instead. This way, you can leave whenever needed if your child starts to feel overwhelmed.

Food can be an anxiety-inducing topic for children in foster care who have experienced neglect. So, share your typical Christmas menu with the child in your care and ask them what they'd like to eat on the big day - even if it's just chicken nuggets. 

A small gesture like this shows that you’re trying to make them feel involved and want to understand their individual likes and dislikes. It will also help ease their anxiety about what they'll eat on Christmas day and prevent you from being unprepared if they don't like the food you offer. 

On Christmas morning, you could also get them involved in the meal prep, peeling carrots and helping you bake delicious treats. When Christmas dinner is served, watching the whole family enjoy the meal they've helped prepare could give them a big confidence boost.

Being unable to spend Christmas with their family can be very challenging for the child in your care. So, if contact is being made between the child and their family, it’s essential to show the child that you’re not trying to replace their family but are an extension of it.

You could help them save up, buy and wrap small, thoughtful gifts for their birth family or make Christmas cards to give to them if they'll be seeing them over the Christmas period. Be ready for your child to express a range of emotions, and offer a listening ear and non-judgmental support if they share stories about their family. 

While it’s great to have lots of fun arranged for the festive period, make sure you also plan some downtime and give your child a quiet space to escape if they become overwhelmed by it all and need to process missing their family. 

Christmas isn't about perfection; it's about making memories and being with the people you love. So, try not to put too much pressure on yourself to make Christmas magical. Sometimes, the best memories aren't planned, and you may find the most joy in the things that go wrong, like the cat knocking over the Christmas tree or the dog eating the stuffing. 

Even if the child in your care doesn't want to celebrate and struggles to manage their emotions throughout the day, what matters most is that they'll be in a safe, loving and nurturing home, surrounded by an understanding and supportive family.