Tips to Make Your Foster Child’s Birthday Special

8 tips to give your foster child a memorable birthday

Give them a Thoughtful Gift

The most important thing to remember is to get your foster child a thoughtful gift that you know they’ll love. Spend some time thinking carefully about what they would want for their birthday, or if you’re unsure, you can always ask them if there’s anything they would like. This will depend on their age, interests, and preference, and should be age appropriate.

To make sure that your foster child can have a wonderful birthday, we give all our foster parents an additional foster care payment to cover birthday budgets. Here at Orange Grove Foster Care, we provide a £100 annual birthday allowance to ensure you can give your foster child the birthday that they deserve.

Be mindful of the fact that presents might not bring them joy in the way you intended, too. It might cause some children to feel guilty that their parents couldn’t offer them the same generosity. The gift you choose to give them doesn’t have to be something expensive – a small gesture would be just as thoughtful as something more extravagant.

Another thing to consider is that they may not know how to react when given a gift. Some children may have only experienced gifts with the expectation that they must give the gift-giver something in return. Reassure them that this isn’t the case if they seem unsure of how to behave.

Get the Whole Family Involved

Show your foster child how special they are by making their birthday a family affair. Invite the grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins for a get-together that they will remember forever. Not only will fun memories get made, but they might also receive extra presents.

If your foster child is in school and has friends of their own you could invite, you can include them, too. This could give them something else to look forward to if people they know and love are able to come along and share in the celebrations.

Before you make any concrete plans, talk to your foster child about how many people they want over, or if they want anyone over at all. Some children prefer a quieter affair, or might not want a fuss. You don’t want to overwhelm them if they’d prefer to avoid having loads of people around. Some children could find large gatherings overwhelming, and it might serve to remind them of who isn’t there for their birthday.

If they’re unsure about having lots of people over, show them that they’re loved by getting everyone to sign a birthday card for them instead. Siblings could make a card for them to show that they care, or help you to cook a special meal for your foster child instead.

Take them on a Trip

Birthdays are the perfect opportunity for a fun trip. Ask your foster child if there’s something they would love to do for their birthday. Or if there’s something that they’ve been talking about doing or somewhere they’ve been wanting to visit for a while, this gives you the ideal chance to do just that. No matter what you choose to do, as long as it’s something your foster child will love, it’ll be an unforgettable experience.

Make sure that whatever you decide to do is age-appropriate for your foster child’s interests, whether you’re fostering teenagers or younger children.

Not sure what to do? Here are a few ideas:

• Beach trip
• Birthday barbecue in the park
• Shopping spree
• Theme park
• Museum
• Zoo or aquarium
• Birthday meal at their favourite restaurant

Work on a Birthday Project Together

Another fantastic way to make memories that you and your foster child can cherish forever is to work on a project together. This is an excellent way to make something tangible to remember each other by, especially if it’s something that your foster child particularly enjoys doing, such as crafts.

Here are a few suggestions of what you could work on together:

• Bake a cake together and let them choose their favourite recipe
• Create a scrapbook of your time together
• Get creative with drawings
• Design a puppet theatre they can play with
• Make beaded bracelets they can wear, or get them to make friendship bracelets with friends

Support Contact with Birth Parents

Part of your role as a foster parent will be to support contact with birth parents. Birthdays are typically a time when your foster child can get in touch with their birth family, and this often requires comfort and understanding. It’s important to bear in mind that emotions can run high, with excitement, worry, and fear becoming overwhelming for some.

An important thing to consider is that you may need to manage your foster child’s disappointment if they don’t get the reaction they hoped for from their birth parents. The parents might not mark their birthday in the way they wanted, or they might forget that it’s their birthday at all. Help your foster child to understand that it isn’t because they’re not worth loving, and show them that they deserve to feel loved and cared for.

You may notice a change in the behaviour of your foster child around this time because of their complex emotions around contacting their birth family. Be as understanding and patient with them as you can as they process their feelings, and allow them to talk to you about it. Validate their feelings and reassure them that they’re loved. However, if they’d rather not talk about it, then don’t push them to do so.

Let Them Blow Out Their Candles

Unfortunately, some foster children never get a chance to blow out their birthday cake candles. Whether that is or isn’t the case for your foster child, let them blow out their candles on their birthday.

They might never have experienced a traditional birthday that included something as simple as this or even having a cake to celebrate them, so this could be a poignant memory for them to cherish.

Ensure that the attention is solely on them when the cake is being brought out, and everyone is singing happy birthday. Today is their special day, and it’s important that they know it’s all about them.

Remember to tell them to make a wish, too!

Don’t Hold Any Expectations

You might start the day imagining how amazing it’s going to be, and how thankful your foster child will be when they see how much effort you’ve put into their special day.

However, it’s key to remember that most foster children will never have experienced a birthday in the way others have, and the whole experience may be overwhelming at first. This could manifest in strong emotions throughout the day, so you’ll need to treat them with empathy and understanding.

Another thing to consider is that you might not get a thank you in return for your hard work, particularly if your foster child is processing complex feelings.

Don’t hold any expectations about how your foster child will react to their birthday presents and surprises. If you sense that they are overwhelmed, do what you can to release pressure. You can create a code word together before the event that your foster child can use to tell you that they’re feeling overwhelmed and need some space. Make sure they know that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to during their birthday.

Talk to your Foster Child About What They Want

The best way to ensure that your foster child experiences the best birthday ever is to sit down and ask them what they want. That’s the only way you’ll determine how to make their birthday the occasion they hope it will be.

Your foster child will appreciate you taking the time to consider what they want for their birthday. If they want to have lots of friends around, or if they want a quieter day where it’s just a small handful of people, taking these preferences into consideration will make the day even better for them.