The Impact of Fostering on Your Own Children: What to Expect

Sharing their world with another child 

Sharing a toy, a bag of sweets, or craft supplies with a friend is one thing, but sharing your home, parents and family experiences with a child from another family is quite another. This might be challenging for your own children when you welcome a foster child into your home.  

Children in care are often living with the trauma of their past experiences, which means they may sometimes need more of your time and attention as you help them heal. Whether it’s managing big emotions, supporting their education or helping them navigate time with their birth family, it’s only natural that your own children might find this difficult at first. 

How you can help 

• Orange Grove resources: Prepare your children for fostering by downloading our guide for children who foster. This will help them understand what fostering is and what it means for them, so they’ll know what to expect.  

• Dedicate time to your children: Set aside quality time with your own children. Whether it’s a daily catch-up before bedtime or a walk in the park after school, this can help reassure them that they still have your time and attention.  

• Offer reassurance: If your children are worried about sharing you with another child, remind them that your love for them will never change, and they can talk to you about anything at any time.   

• Teach them about trauma: Your children may find it easier to share you, their home and their daily lives with another child if they understand that child’s experiences, the impact it can have on their well-being and how you can help them as a family. Our training for foster parents can help you with this because it covers trauma and its effect on a child’s behaviour, relationships, and overall well-being.  

Not always getting along 

When you live with someone, you see them in a way the rest of the world doesn’t. In their safe space, where they can be themselves and put down the mask they might wear for everyone else.  

As a result, at the end of a long day or during a stressful period at school, such as exam season, both your own children and the children you foster may vent their frustrations when they get home.  

If the child in your care also struggles to relate to their peers, trust adults, or regulate their emotions due to their past experiences, this could lead to conflict between foster siblings.  

How you can help  

• Help them bond: You can’t force your children to bond with children you foster. However, you can gently encourage it by creating opportunities for them to get to know each other, such as organising days out, games nights, and other family activities where you can relax and have fun together.  

• Teach self-care: If your children or the children you foster are feeling stressed, understanding the importance of self-care can help prevent them from taking their frustrations out on each other. You could suggest gentle exercise, journaling or getting enough sleep; these small things could make it easier for them to manage their emotions.  

• Lean on our support: At Orange Grove, we’re here for every member of your family. Our family support workers can provide advice, guidance or just a listening ear for your children. They can also organise get-togethers with other children from similar family set-ups, giving them a safe space to share their experiences and vent their frustrations.  

Being a role model  

During the first few weeks of fostering, your children may be excited about having a foster sibling – someone they can make friends with, mentor, and teach new things to.  

However, when the excitement wears off, they may feel pressure to be the ‘perfect’ role model. Over time, they might start to hide their own emotions, withdraw, or even resent their foster sibling because they feel like they can’t share how they really feel. 

How you can help 

• Language matters: Try to avoid using language that could unintentionally put pressure on your child to be ‘perfect’. For example, if they display big emotions about something, they might internalise phrases like ‘you know better’ as a message that they always have to be ‘good’. Instead, talk to them to understand how they’re really feeling, and make sure they know the door is always open if they want a chat.  

• Provide an outlet: Encourage your children to spend time with their friends and take part in activities they enjoy. This gives them a break from being an older sibling or role model and a chance to just be themselves.  

Adjustments to their routine 

Every family has a routine which may include daily tasks before and after school, fun activities, and time to relax and unwind. However, when you foster, your routine will change to adapt to the needs of the child in your care. You’ll also need to make time for training, support groups, and regular supervision.  

Your children may initially struggle to adjust to this new routine, especially if they’ve had the same one since they can remember. 

How you can help 

• Keep some things the same: Changing your child’s entire routine can trigger stress and anxiety, so try to maintain some familiar parts of their day. For example, continuing bedtime stories, the same mealtimes, and chatting about your day over dinner can help your child feel secure even if other parts of their routine have changed.  

• Include your children: You and your children are on your fostering journey together, so involve them as much as possible. For instance, if you’re driving your foster child to a family time meeting, you could take your child along and spend time with them while your foster child sees their family. This way, your child will still feel involved and will have something to look forward to on those days.  

Saying goodbye 

Regardless of the type of fostering you choose – long-term, short-term, or emergency – at some point, your foster child will leave your care.  

Whether through reunification, moving to a permanent placement, or ageing out of care, saying goodbye to a child who has become a member of your family can be incredibly hard for both you and your children. 

How you can help 

• Keep them in the loop: Make sure your child understands the plan for your foster child’s care. This will help them mentally and emotionally prepare for their departure.   

• Create a memory book together: Spend time creating a photo book or scrapbook of special moments shared between your children and the children you foster. This will give them both a meaningful keepsake of their journey together.  

• Organise some family time: If your foster child is moving on from your care, you could organise a family meal or special day out to celebrate the time you’ve shared. Not only will this help your children process their foster sibling’s departure, but it will also create lasting memories and show your foster child just how much they mean to your family.  

“When my parents told me they were thinking about fostering, I was not happy. I didn’t like the idea of having someone else in my house. But now, I look back and realise that fostering is potentially one of the best things my parents have done. 

Although I was unsure at first, now I understand that fostering – no matter whether short or long term – can have a really positive impact on a child and is the stepping stone they need to live the best life they can.” Caitlin, 17, who fosters with her family. Read her fostering story here.