Shinder's Fostering Story

“I originally wanted to adopt when I was much younger but life got in the way. When I semi-retired, my children asked me if I still wanted to do it — and that’s what led me to look into fostering.”

That conversation encouraged her to explore the idea seriously. After researching different agencies, Ofsted reports, and the level of support available, she approached Orange Grove — beginning her journey as a single foster parent in Milton Keynes.

Becoming a single foster carer

Before starting, Shinder was honest with herself about her worries. “I was a bit older, and I didn’t know too much about fostering or what kind of children would come your way,” she said. “I need to know everything before I go into anything.”

Once Shinder began her Form F assessment, she was surprised by how much she learned. “There were tears, there was laughter, it was emotional. But I think that’s what it’s all about. Your life experiences help you relate to the children.”

To build her confidence, she started with respite care: “I started off with respite because I felt that would be the best way to ease myself into fostering.” It was the right decision, respite helped her understand what worked best for her home and lifestyle as a single carer.

Long-term fostering: “She’s been with me for five years.”

One of her respite placements soon became much more. “The child who used to come to me for respite, when I realised she was moving on from her foster carer, I put my hand up and said, ‘Could I have her?’ And she’s been with me for five years.”

This placement became a true long-term commitment, allowing both of them to form a deep and lasting bond. “With long-term placements, you really get to know each other. You know their ways and they know yours. If there’s a disagreement, I always say, ‘Let’s compromise.’ We meet in the middle so we’re both happy.”

Over time, the relationship grew stronger and more natural, “She started calling me Mum, which was never pushed. It took about two years.” Even after the placement formally ended, the bond remained: “She still calls me Mum. She still comes and visits me.”

Welcoming children as a single parent

Shinder’s approach to helping young people settle shows her thoughtful and calm nature. “When a child first comes to me, I go at their pace. If they want to sit, we sit. If they want to look around the house, we do. If they want to see their room, we do. Food is a really good icebreaker — asking what they like to eat starts the conversation.”

She always remembers that the experience is harder for the child than it is for the adult: “It might be new for you, but it’s more daunting for the child. You’ve got to go at their pace.”

Throughout Shinder’s journey, she has felt supported by Orange Grove. “The training they provide is brilliant — lots of face-to-face courses and lots of online ones. I really enjoy the training.”

Support has been reliable even when her social worker isn’t immediately available: “If I’ve left a message, they ring me back. If there’s an issue and your social worker isn’t available, you have the out-of-hours team. I can’t fault them.”

Moments that stay

One of her most emotional moments was when her long-term young person first called her “Mum”. “At contact, she accidentally called me Mum in front of her birth mum. Her mum said, ‘It’s okay darling, you can call her Mum if you want.’ That meant so much.”

Shinder is clear: “Anyone can foster. Life experiences really help, and a resilient personality helps too.” And most importantly, “Age isn’t a barrier. I started at the end of my fifties. Being single isn’t a barrier either. If you’ve got the heart to welcome children into your home, you can foster.”

What fostering has taught her

“It’s taught me that I’m a better listener than I thought I was, I’ve learned I’m patient, and that I will fight for a child’s rights if I need to. I didn’t know I had that in me before I started fostering.”

Shinder offers her advice, saying, “Go in with your eyes open and find out everything you can. Fostering can be tough, but it’s incredibly rewarding. “If you’ve got the space and the heart to welcome children into your home, you will make a difference. You might not always see it straight away, but you will.

“They do need you – even if they don’t realise it yet.”

Could you foster?

If, like Shinder, you want to change a child’s life, we’d love to hear from you. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, with the support from Orange Grove, you can help more young people learn to trust again and have renewed hope for the future.

If you’re interested in becoming a foster parent with us, please get in touch.

Want to learn more about fostering?

Fill out your details below and one of our friendly team members will be in touch shortly.

Enquiry

You are required to have a spare bedroom that’s always available to a foster child. The spare room cannot be shared, and must be big enough to fit a single bed, a wardrobe and a chest of drawers.

Do you have a spare room?*

To be approved as a foster carer in the UK, you must be a British citizen or have the legal right to remain in the UK without restrictions that would prevent fostering.

Which of the following applies to you?*

How can we help you with your enquiry?*

The following questions are intended to help us understand your experience with children. Please note that prior experience is not required to become a foster carer, as full training will be provided.

Have you had children of your own?*

Do you have professional experience of working with children?*

Have you had any prior experience of fostering, such as being a foster parent or growing up in a fostering family?*

Have you ever adopted a child?*

Are you happy to receive regular fostering news from us?*

Yes

No

First Name*

Last Name*

Phone Number*

Email Address*

Postcode*